It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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