I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
