nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
