what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Send help, water and tortillas.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
