before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
