Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
