My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
vagina is talking i cant
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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