If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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