who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
