i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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