I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
