In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
