Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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