How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize