guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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