she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
