Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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