he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
