Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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