ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
