Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i think i just lost a toe
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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