The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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