got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
