just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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