from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
