Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
