Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
