It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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