Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
