Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
