Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
