she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
