Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
