I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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