I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
