I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
