i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
