so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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