Sponge bath it is.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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