dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize