i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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