that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
