I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
