How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Even my vagina gasped.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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