farters have to be the big spoon...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
