Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
