My room smells like vodka and shame
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
