Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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