Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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