i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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