just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
