Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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