I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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