PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize