i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
