he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
