Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Green mimosas i think yes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
