So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
