She just used a chaser for red wine.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
