The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
