he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
