sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I want is dick and wine.
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