Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
