Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
