I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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