i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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