The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
