in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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