How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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