She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
