i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
