Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
