there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
