I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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