i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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