I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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