He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
