WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
