I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize