i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
