He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
