Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
