Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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