Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
