I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
