I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
